Saint Augustine wrote that "Our hearts are restless, until they can find rest in You." It is so true. What can happen, in the absence of the aforementioned state of divine rest is a sense of agitation and unrest. We must operate in and out of this sense of peace, whether in transition, or conflict, or wondering what the next step is in our journey. This kind of assurance is an absolute necessity in knowing lots of things that rise above the mere need to know good principles.
For instance, when people are asking the question of a lifelong mate, certain principles will definitely be instructive; seek a mate that has good character, who has the ability to focus on someone else's needs and not just their own selfish interests, etc.. These and other bedrock principles are essential in the matrimonial arena. But when it comes down to cases, you need to know that Susan or Fred is not merely a qualified candidate for the job; you need to divinely know that they are THE ONE. No amount of principles will yield that specific information. So we push past principles and concepts and we ask God: is he or she the one? We might even ask our friends to ask God with and for us. Whether the question is about who we will marry, or where we should move, or the house we should buy, the degree we should study, or the vocation we should pursue, knowing exactly what God thinks, and asking Him to speak specifically and guide precisely is paramount. We want to get things like these right the first time because of the headaches involved in having to fix a failure.
The one thing that all of us crave, in critical times in our lives, in places where we feel tried and tested, or in times where we are asking more questions than answers, is to know that we are being guided and led by the Holy Spirit. We long to know that we are walking along the road of life knowing that the road has been built and prepared by God for us. Just knowing that you are where you are supposed to be, even if we are in the midst of difficulty, is consolation and confirmation all by itself. Even if, on that road, you cannot see your destination, or cannot even see around the next bend, to know that God is there with you, telling you that you're ok is all you need to take the next step. And, until He indicates, the next step is not an option.
None of us like to ask a question and to have the question left hanging there, unanswered. When our questions go unanswered we humans have a strong tendency to allow our minds' imagination to fill in the blanks. And when we do that we usually get it wrong and we make mistakes and we make decisions we wish could un-decide. Often, in lieu of the answers we desire, we are strongly tempted to, and frequently give in to the temptation to act on the basis of our questions. The problem with this kind of plan is that a question is not an answer.
When we act or judge on questions rather than answers, the Bible describes us as being in the middle of an offense. Without going into detail a biblical offense manifests in 2 distinct forms. Both forms, however, are toxic and hurtful to our souls if we permit them time to grow and fester in us. The first manifestation is what we commonly think of as an offense: we are hurt because someone hurt us, or we perceive it. The second one has a different nuance to it: it is when we allow unresolved and unanswered questions - questions asked to another person, or a question we have asked God, to evolve into accusations and judgements. One thing we need to learn in order to overcome such a dynamic is that a question is not an answer. Either manifestation of offense has detrimental consequences to the actions that arise from how we process offense.
Let me use an example that I am very familiar with, as a pastor of a church. In my twenty-plus years as a minister, I have seen hundreds, yea thousands of people come into a church, stay for a while, and then leave that church. Some of those parishioners will actually come and counsel with me about their desire to go to a different church. The reasons are multitudinous: a new job in a new location, going to church where my wife/girlfriend/boyfriend, friends/parents go to church, etc.. Some people have even been audacious and brave enough to tell me that I am not what they were looking for in a pastor/preacher/teacher/leader. However, the majority of people whom I've seen leave, I am actually not aware of this change for a few weeks. One day, a few Sundays down the road and I notice so-and-so is not there and hasn't been there for a month. It's not that I'm not mindful of my parishioners' attendance. The fact is that I don't try to micromanage their attendance; I'm not the church attendance police. I rather have a tendency to cut them slack and honestly believe the best. I choose to think that they have been gone for perfectly legitimate and probably important reasons. It seldom enters my mind that somebody is secretly potting to leave the church. Consequently, most people that leave the church do so without the pastor suspecting a thing. After a few weeks' absence I do begin to investigate and am usually mildly stunned to find out that they're gone and it's a permanent arrangement.
For many of those people who choose to leave without giving their pastor the benefit of a conversation, I believe many of them leave because they have questions that have gone unanswered. Unfortunately, a question is not an answer.
These questions may have something to do with their relationship with the pastor or leader or teacher in the church. The question may be in the area of something the pastor said in the Sunday sermon, or something they didn't say. It may be a financial question about the church is spending(or not spending) money. It may be a question about how leadership handled itself in a situation with a friend of theirs. In the end, it often times comes down to an issue of an unanswered question. And a question is not an answer.
In another example: Have you ever been in serious conflict with another person? Was it so serious that you were unwilling or unable to speak to one another for a period of time? Perhaps this person wasn't even aware of the offense they caused, but you were and you temporarily withdrew from contact with the person. What usually takes place in the absence of contact is that we have imaginary conversations with this person. The imaginary conversations are structured in such a way as to make us look like the champions and the other to look bad and shameful. Why is that? The best answer is that in the absence of not really knowing what's going on, and in the absence of forgiveness and charity, we tend to mentally fill in the emotional and situational blanks with our imagination. Also, in the absence of forgiveness and charity, we commonly fill in those blanks, looking at the situation through the lens of fear. Fear never allows us to imagine the best, but the worst; the worst in situations, the worst in people.
Fear never has answers, at least real answers, only imagined ones. You've heard the acronym people use for F-E-A-R: False Evidence Appearing Real. We take that false evidence an use it to come to faulty conclusions about the person who offended us, or the leader who said or didn't say the right thing, or . . . you get the picture. False evidence doesn't yield answers, but only raises more questions. Sadly questions are not answers.
I would bet a whole week's pay on the idea that when people leave a church to go to another church, they usually leave with a question. They let that question serve as an answer. But a question is not an answer.
As I have faced difficult situations and monumental transitions in my life I always endeavored to not get too hung up on the questions that I ask: the what, why and where questions. Instead I make sure that whatever course I pursue, whichever path I go down, I try to do so having heard the answer and not having acted on the basis of an unanswered question. I admittedly have been on a learning curve with this, and am growing and getting better.
What's at stake in the life of following God and pursuing Him with and despite the questions we all have about life, marriage(or not), career, education, or changes and transitions? What's at stake is that we learn to live a life based on answers and not questions. The Bible says that when we live and build a life based upon accumulated unanswered questions, we increasingly live our lives out of a place of offense - toward others, and even toward God. Offense diminishes our capacity to hear God clearly and distinctly above all the other voices competing for our attention.
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